It Aint Easy Bein' Me
by Molotov
Summary: Just a little piece of Blob angst I wrote while in the midst of writer's block.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff.  
  
  
This is just a simple little piece of Blob angst I came up while I had writer's block. This is just a random collection of his thoughts, or maybe something like a diary entry. You decide. It may seem out of character, but he's had little character development throughout the show, so I think this is a fairly accurate insight into the largest member of the Brotherhood. That, and there's anything out there about this guy.  
Review this, if you want. Positive reviews, negative reviews, constructive criticism, all of it is openly accepted.  
  
  


**It Aint Easy Bein' Me**

  
  
  
My name is Fred Dukes. I am the Immovable. The Blob...  
  
The Blob...  
  
Sometimes I think about that name. Should I be proud of it? Part of me says yes. And then there's the part of me that screams no.  
  
I am a mutant. And a teenager. And fat.  
  
Each one alone is an experience in it's own. But all three in one...  
  
I sometimes wonder _why_? Why was I made this way?  
  
I suppose it has it's benefits. I have super strength, and I am immovable.  
  
But then, I'm fat. And being fat isn't an easy thing. People look at you differently, treat you differently, see you differently.  
  
As time passes, a fat person learns to ignore what other people say. They learn to ignore the whispers and the snickers, the comments and the stares, the sad faces and the disgusted faces.  
Not being able to ignore it can tear someone apart. I know. I've been there.  
  
But even after you've learned to ignore it, it can be hard.  
  
And it isn't fair. Everyone else in the world has a hand in on their weight. Me...I had no choice in the matter.  
  
Someone could say, "Well Fred, if you didn't eat so much, you wouldn't be so fat."  
  
But that's just the problem. _I can't stop eating._ It's uncontrollable, just like my weight. It's because I'm a mutant.  
  
I don't really know how I fit in with the Brotherhood. I mean, sure, we're all a collective of misfit mutants, but none of them can really understand me. Except Toad. In a way, we're like the Odd Couple, me being big and fat, him being small and smelly. A very screwed up Odd Couple.  
  
I don't really know how I fit in with the rest of the world, either.  
  
It's hard. People don't understand me. They don't understand how I feel. Even the guys in the Brotherhood.  
  
They don't know what it's like... The people who laugh...I hate it when they laugh. I must not be real, for them to laugh so easily at me.  
  
Sometimes, though, when they laugh, I am glad of my strength. They don't laugh, once they see what I can do. Instead, they fear me. And laugh on the inside.  
  
Fear.  
  
I don't know if I should be glad that they fear me. If I can't have respect, fear is a good consolation for it. But when they fear, they still think their thoughts inside, or they distance themselves. Which is not always a good thing...  
  
I think I'm doomed to live my life depressed and alone.  
  
What girl out there could love me, a blob. _The Blob_.  
  
The answer is simple: no one could.  
  
I almost thought I could have had that with Jean. Big word there: _almost_. She pretended to be my friend...but she's like all of the others. Who laugh when my back is turned, who make snide comments where I can't hear. And sometimes when I can...  
  
Some days I wonder why I bother to deal with this. My life hasn't been the greatest. I worked as an attraction...a freak, for stupid hillbillies. It was good money, but they never did respect me. And then I came to work for Mystique. She never respected me. She only wanted me for my strength. And then she dumped me and the rest of the Brotherhood, making us fend for ourselves. And then there was the Sentinel thing...  
  
I shiver when I think back on that. Being trapped in whatever they had me trapped in... I was glad once I got out. I felt good about myself, also. Mystique and the Brotherhood, and even those lousy X-Men risked themselves for me. Or that's what I told myself at first. But I only think they did it to free the others... I bet if it had just been me who was captured, they wouldn't have raised any fuss. And I would have been made an experiment by others. Others who would poke and prod me and wonder why I was the way that I was. Never respecting me, never getting to know me. I would just be something for them to study. Until they were finished with me. And put me back on the street or do worse...  
  
But that never happened. I was happy after getting free, but only for a short time. The world knew of mutants, and they hated us, feared us. Which is nothing new for me. I've had plenty of practice dealing with hate and fear and mistrust.  
  
Another thing I think about is betrayal. I thought Pietro was my friend, our friend. Or as much of a friend that I could have, other than Toad. Toad is probably my one true friend, because we're so ugly to others. Misery loves company.  
  
Betrayal. I remember when Magneto's lackey came to us, and told us to free Pietro. We went, not to free him, but to get revenge. And how I burned for it. I was excited to be getting retribution on what that little bastard did to us. But he got away.  
  
And now I'm a lackey for Pietro. He bosses me around, and treats me like dirt. He does it to all of us, so I can't feel too bad about it. More of that misery loving company. Sometimes I just want to wrap my hands around his neck, and choke the life out of him. And then I think of what Magneto would do to me if I killed his son.  
  
Death. I don't exactly fear death, but I don't quite welcome it. I've considered death, when times got real hard. I wonder what I have to live for. _Not much_ is the first thing that comes to mind.  
  
And yet, I get up everyday and deal with the same hassles. And why? I don't know. I truly and honestly don't know. Maybe because I have nowhere else to go. Which frightens me, for all I've put up with. This twisted thing I call my life is all I have...  
  
It aint easy bein' me...  



End file.
